You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
