Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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