it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
