Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
