To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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