I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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