I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
