He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
