It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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