remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
