Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
