that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
