I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
