I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
