first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i will never coherently bang her
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
