Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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