It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
