dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
