Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
