Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
