ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
