C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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