well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
