remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
