True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
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Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
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I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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