she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
