I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
