Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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