When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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