You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
