Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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