I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
