He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
