Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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