omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
