Taylor Swift is so right about you.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Terrible idea I love it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
