allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
