Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
