Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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