You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
