Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
