Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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