i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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