apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
