so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
