Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
