Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
