Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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