the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
