Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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