I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
