if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
