Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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