His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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