just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
