TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
