My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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