there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
